The girl who loves a gay

I watch him. Everyday. Listening to everything he says.
Feeling all jittery and lovey dovey when he smiles
And wondering why he’d never acknowledge my existence.
Why am I waking up every morning feeling hopeless?
When there is not even a hope to hold on to
You, my dear man. Loves another man

Feeling old

These days, I’m feeling rather odd. It feels like I’m 41 instead of 21. I have been in lot of stress as I have to keep my mind to job, school, and my health-issues. I know life is never fair but I wonder if anybody could live under a lot of pressure and stay sane?
I wish I could, I sort of having a dream to achieve. I know that I postpone my dream now, I couldn’t afford it but someday I will try to reach it once again. That dream is possibly what makes me still alive and sane for now.

Eleanor and Park

Hello people! Yesterday I read a book, Eleanor and Park. It is a beautiful piece of literature! A well written book with a good plot twist in the end. Actually it is not really a big plot twist, the end rather unexpected for me. Maybe it’s because I lower my expectation for a novel. Well, I am in love with this book.
Eleanor may sometimes being an angsty teen with a commitment issue, well for her it is understandable as she is bullied and live with a crazy step-dad, and Park..bless Park, he is a caring and lovable boy.

For me a mix tape, a book (or comic in this matter hahaha!), parents meeting are my classical combination of crying ‘I LOVE YOU’ out loud! I am not a type of a girl who would say I love you these days, and that is exactly how I tell someone that I love them. And that is how Park telling his.

Everyone, please read this book! My review is an understatement. If you love and want to reminiscing about your high school love story, this is the one book that could give you the feeling of being in high school love hahaha. You know, you never forget your first love! It’s what the cover says. And yes, it reminds me of my first love or not hahaha

Sorry I laugh a lot, I love this book and would love to read it again.

One of the quote that I love is attached in here
‘Because people want to remember what it’s like to be young and in love’

Sumpah ini buku bagus banget, banyak pelajaran hidup yang bisa gue ambil. Ayo baca ini buku buat young-adult jadi usia 20an juga fine aja.
Buku ini ditulis pake two side of story, Eleanor’s side sama Park’s side. Kalo Eleanor ngajarin soal life struggle banget sementara Park ngajarin loving a person and their flaw fully.

But, beware of the end, it’s hanging. And I can’t just love the end of this story, I am fond of it. A lot of guessing or hoping or hahaha lot of emotion. This book makes my head play Ed Sheeran’s Photograph songs through every pages!!! The writer Rainbow Rowell is a genius!

Choices

It is exciting and scary at the same time that what your little choice of something could affect your whole life in the future.
My friend, I wish that I could knock some sense to you if you are about to make a choice in your life. Because someday you might won’t believe how different your life will turn out if you’ve never make that one choice.

Firstly, there is no wrong choice. It’s just a choice that you would love if you take differently. You just poorly chose the way you live.
If you ever in need to chose something, never ever ever chose for short term happiness, base on your selfish and greedy self. Trust me on this one, I learned it in the hard way. Your life could be better if you chose as your better self and kind heart. Short term happiness as you may see would be an easy choice, but for a long term happiness somehow it would be hard but you can do it anyway.
I wish I was better back then, so my life would never been turned upside down.

If you ever had to choose between bestfriend or lover. Choose bestfriend, lover come and go. But my dear, friend will always be there for you, no matter who you are with or what you do. It is a real piece of advice that I forgot to take when I was in relationship. And I don’t want anyone to do the same and feel empty afterward.

Love Always,

Andy ❤

Greetings and Intro!

Hello people, my name is Andrea and my friends called me Andy or such… I’m an (what you called it) ex-jakartans spoiled kids. I start this blog to write my personal feelings and thoughts in order to express myself (p.s my psychiatrist told me that I would die in young age if I keep suppress my feelings) and as an INTJ it would be horrible for me to express it directly to human, so here I am.

What is Jakartans spoiled kids you say? Maksudnya mas dan mbak ialah, saya manusia muda yang besar di Kota Jakarta, Indonesia dan tumbuh di sana sebagai spoiled kids (anak manjahhh yang bertenggeran di kafe pada sore hari dan klub pada malam hari) tapi now I’m an ex-jakartans spoiled kids karena

1. I’m no longer a kids
2. I can’t afford to be a spoiled brat
3. I’m no longer live in Jakarta

Isi blog ini nggak akan jauh dari pandangan dan perasaan saya serta beberapa memori yang menjadi pelajaran hidup sekarang. I am both happy and sad at the same time that I have to write my feelings for anonymous internet user to read, and I am quiet confuse how it is possible.

so, stick with me people. no matter who you are, where you are, or what you do..

I will always, completely and undoubtedly love you. For you are the one who is willing to read my cynical story.

Love always,

Andy

What is Love?

What is love?lo-o-o-o-ooo-ve? is it giving up?

Lately, my friend asks me if I ever fall in love, and I realise that I don’t know if I ever fall in love. Is it just infatuation?obsession? I have been in relationships, lot of total wrecks, but love is a strong feeling. Ones does not simply say the three words to everyone. It makes me wonder if love is real or not.

dear friend of mine was in love, or he thought. but unfortunately the girl was just being a complete arse. Long story short, he is in heartbreak when he said to me that love is not exist. So later, I try to look for a real love story in my world. I read lot of books, romance, drama and kind. and I found nothing that shows a real love story, you know, a story with a normal background and simple but meaningful ones.

Last year, my father was having a heart attack and he was struck by stroke. Half of his body was paralyzed, and he no longer could do anything by himself. He then chose to stop working, and go on a full rest to recover. to this day, he is still have not in fully recovered self. My mother is the one who makes money for home and taking care of my father. My father is in stressful state as he was once a strong and proud man of his own, the one who could do anything he want and could control everything but then he could not even raise a finger by his own, that was obviously depressing. But my mother keep supporting my father thoroughly to this day without being unfaithful or unpleasant.

In my opinion, my mother has every power and right to leave my father for his circumstance. As he is no longer support our family and being ill. My mother is a very beautiful woman, she looked like Princess Diana (the Lady Di), she really does. She is smart, pleasant and kind-hearted. Almost everybody likes her. But never even in her dream that she would leave my father and being her selfish self. I know she could be selfish if she wanted to, but no. She is the one who told me to respect my father still (not that I don’t, mind you) to love him still.

And I was hit by a clarity, that sometimes we look for something that always been there. That is the love story with a normal background and simple plot but meaningful to me. Everybody could resent the idea of love, but for me it is real and I could never disagree with the power of love. I wish everyone could see it the way I see it. But as I grew up, I learned that people are mostly blind because they never use their heart to see beautiful things at all.

Love is a beautiful thing that ever happened to me as a child of an upside-down family, it is never been hurtful. But loving can hurt as there are rejection, unfaithful, dishonest…

Love Always,

Andy ❤